Hmmm

Hey everyone! It's been a VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERY long time since I've written in here. Lots has happened, good and bad.

To begin with, I'm not in the States right now. I'm in Ireland and have been since January first because I'm doing a semester of college here at University College Cork in Cork Ireland. I'm absolutely loving it here, though it is a bit cold and VERY different from the States. Everything is so laid back here and all of my classes are only 50 minutes long. I've only had to buy two books for my classes. Most of the clubs meet in the pubs and there's even a pub on campus as well.

The different clubs and groups in the college organize trips throughout the semester that I am going on. The first on is next weekend and it's trip to Galway. The second one is at the end of February and that's a trip to the Ring of Kerry. Everything is sooo green here. There's green and then there's GREEN. I mean it, really.  Everyone is so incredibly nice here. There's so many opportunities here and I've already gone mountain climbing and I'm taking riding lesson. (I LOVE Western saddles so much better) The English saddle is so much smaller and there's so many rules and you HAVE to have great balance. As a friend of mine said, "You not only have to ride well, but you have to look good while riding." It's so very true.

I'll be back in the States in July, but I don't think I'll be back in Vegas til August if I don't decide to live here. Feel free to email me because I already have pictures and will be taking more as I do more exploring.

Now, the very last update I wrote on here was about my dad...Well, I don't really give a damn about him anymore because he's not worth the tears and the pain. He's gone right back to pulling the same crap he's always done, only this time he tries to use the excuse that his cancer came back when it hasn't.  He knew the deal we had that if he wanted to be in my life, he'd have to make the effort and guess what, he hasn't. I hope I never have to talk to him again. Oh yeah, two weeks before finals this past semester, he knowningly called me using my brother's cell knowing I'd pick up if I thought it was my brother, only this time it was my dad....He's such a damn liar! He calls me and tells me that the cancer has moved to his liver and that he was going to have surgery in a few days and might not live. Then he proceeds to tell me that he still has the glass doll he told me he got back in 06 and hasn't sent it yet....Then tells me he could sent it in the mail or he'd pay for me to go out and see him for a few days after his surgery. Who in the hell does he think he is? He wants to have everyone wrapped around his finger and feeling sorry for him, but I'm the only one out of my brother and sisters that he has NEVER been able to control. I still haven't gotten the glass doll. AND he told my sister that they decided to postpone the surgery...There's the LIE...A doctor isn't going to postpone a major surgery a the day before the surgery. Maybe I'm being a bitch, but I'm at the point in my life where I could careless if he lives or dies and I'm ready for him to be out of my life completely, but just when I think I finally get peace, he calls me. It drives me absolutely insane I wish he would just disappear or go far away to where he can never hurt me or bother me again.

Harsh? Yes, I know. But I also have a video of when I was five years old and I had gotten my hair cut. He HATED that I cut my hair since he has it in his head that Meixcan girls are supposed to have long hair. The video shows him questioning me on it for like 10 minutes and I was five years old. I flat out told him that I wanted my hair cut and then I didn't say anything else about it to him....See even then he was trying to control me and even when I was five, he couldn't.

Okay, well, I'm done ranting and updating. I'm so sore right now from my riding lesson that I had yesterday, but it was REALLY fun and I have another lesson on Tuesday night.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Dad...

It's been FOREVER since I've updated, but I can't say I'm happy right now.

On Monday last week, I found out that my dad has Stage 4 Colon Cancer that has spread to his liver and intestines.  he had surgery on Thursday to take the orange-sized tumor out of his colon and some of his intestines, but the tumor in his liver was left  because we don't know what kind of cancer cell it is.  He should be starting Chemotherapy hopefully tomorrow or the next day.  He wasn't in a lot of pain today when I talked to him, but he will be.

I know a lot of you now that I haven't had the closest relationship with my dad, but he's still my dad and from talking to him every day, I can tell he has changed.  he said he wants a relationship with me and I want that so badly as well...but his prognosis is 6 months to a year...

If you read this please keep my dad in your prays.  Thanks.

When is life gonna get easier for me?  That's all I want to know.  I'm so close to having to give up my dream.

You see, the ONLY way I could go to Penn State was if I got a loan because I don't have $30,000 to pay for the semester.  Everything was going great.  I called and applied for the loan and I was eligible for it, but my mom had to be able to cosign on the loan for me, but she couldn't.  So I DIDN'T get the loan.  So now my mom is calling Penn State tomorrow, to see if there is anything we can do, so I can still go.  But I know there are thousands of students there that have probably asked for help and I don't know if they.  And if they say no, my dreams are gone, just like that.And all the hard work I did would be for NOTHING.

So, now my dreams are hanging on the edge of like a cliff or something and can fall any moment....

I'm trying hard to believe everything will work out and I'll be able to go to Penn State, but it's not looking good...

And to make things worse, my best friend's Grandpa died today.  He was such a nice man, I'm gonna miss seeing him there when I go to my friend's house....

Hey everyone.  I'm home until Sunday.

My Thanksgiving was great.  I saw Stephie K and her husband, who has to go back to Iraq in Feburary.  We ate dinner around 2:40ish and then I went to Chelsea's and had Thanksgiving dinner with her family.  That was fun because then I hung out with Chelsea until 10:50ish. 

This morning was fun.  I got up and was at the mall by 4:30 this morning to go shopping.  I bought a winter coat, but I save $47 on it.  I also got two sweaters with scarfs, one green and one blue, then I got the Harry Potter jacket that I wanted, but was majorly lucky with that because there were only 3 left.  I also got a manga and a micro fleece blanket, which by the way, is very soft, but I gotta wash it first because it's getting little fuzzies everywhere.  Got home around 7:45 and tried to fall back to sleep.  My friends wanted to hang out, but I didn't know when I was going for dinner and I was very tired because I only got 2 hours of sleep. 

I think they are mad at me now, which is fine if they are.  I didn't know when I would be going out for dinner and I left at 4:15 and got home around 6:45.  Plus I had to take a shower and get ready to go out for dinner, so I couldn't have hung out with them before.  Now I dun feel so well at all, but I tried call one of my friends at home, but there was no answer and I texted the other, but there was no reply, so I'm just sitting at home.

Tomorrow, I'm going to breakfast with Steph and Jason before they leave and I plan on coming home to get a few extra hours of sleep.  Then I have the UNR v. UNLV basketball game that I really want to go to tomorrow night at 7:30.  So my friends might be mad at me for that, but I could almost care less because there is just too much to do in 4 days when you are home from college.  But if I don't get to hang with them this time, I only have three more weeks up at Reno until my Christmas break.  I'll be coming home on the 20th of December, so I will have a few weeks to hang with them.  So, it's all good.

Welp, I might go lay down because I feel horrible, right now.

I don't think I'm going to update this site anymore because well....There's no point in it, since one person that used to read this is no longer my friend, and the other isn't using his Xanga site anymore, and my other guy friend is in Italy for two years, so he won't be able to read it. 

This time I won't fix what friendship I had with my one friend because I've had it.  I still don't understand how in the Hell she acted as though everything was fine when I went home and then once I left, she went back to being her normal self?  I hate her for it and I don't give a DAMN if she knows.  As soon as I get new pictures on my laptop, I'm getting rid of any pictures that have her in them and I will be forgetting that I was ever her friend because there was too MUCH heartache....Bes friends are supposed to like the samethings and have some of the same stuff...But why in the HELL did she have to say what she did to me and not our other friend?  Or our other friend could turn around and say that she was copying her, but Morgan isn't mean like that.  Course I know I'm a bitch, but I've taken a lot of CRAP from her.  Oh well...7 years were wasted.....I'll get over it.

I can't  wait until January because I am going to Penn State, but I will miss my dormmate and my RA....